My birthstory in english

Im sorry if the grammar isn’t perfect <3 Find my birth story in Swedish HERE.

I remember how I read every single birth story online and when I got pregnant I was obsessed about reading them so I thought why not share mine. I also feel that I read a lot more birth stories thats been really really scary and I think we should spread more positive birth stories online, because there are alot of them, we just only focus a lot on the ones that were really bad. Just remember, all birth stories are different so there are no reasons to compare, just like in our regular life, to compare is just waste of time, we are all different with different backgrounds, experiences and so on… The only thing that matters when you give birth is that you and your baby are ok, nothing else really matters at that time. And also, the baby will come out in one way or another and to give birth is something you really can’t control so you just try to go in there with a good mindset and what ever happens happens <3 But remember – you can do this, you’re meant to do it! <3

I have always been super excited about giving birth and I have always felt so connected with my body, I was a dancer for many years and I trust my body a lot, I just couldn’t imagine anything cooler than give a vaginal birth. I was truly more excited than scared even though I have had some ups and downs while I was pregnant, some weeks I really didn’t want to give birth, It’s something so new to you so I feel that it is normal to be a little nervous about it but not scared, I just feel that we shouldn’t be so scared of it, we can do it – and if we need help then we can get help during labor! <3 But I always felt that we should trust our bodies, women have had babies for thousands of years. I rather have a positive thought of it than the opposite.

I thought I should start tell you that Im Swedish and that I had our baby in Buffalo, US so it was all new to me and to give birth in a new country with a different medical system and that made me do a lot of home work, I wanted all information I could I just needed to know everything about giving birth in US and also giving birth in general, I wanted to know everything! The biggest differences between the Swedish birth care and american is that in US you give birth with an Ob-gyn and in Sweden you give birth with a midwife but you have doctors available if you need them, the other thing is that in Sweden you pay tax so you don’t pay for health care and in US you need an insurance. When I was 10 weeks pregnant I met with my Ob-gyn that someone recommended to me, I had a really good insurance because my husband played ice hockey there so I was under the same insurance so from what I heard my Ob-gyn was suppose to be really good and we were going to get the best help. The Ob-gyn told me at 20 weeks that my baby was big and I was to tiny to give birth to him, she said we should plan on doing a c-section at 37 weeks or induce me at that week. They literally told me ”You’ll need all the drugs there is and it is a too big boy in a too small apartment” I freaked out, I got so scared and started questioning my body.. At this point, at 20 weeks I told my husband I didn’t want to give birth, I got so scared and I had no confidence, I told J it was just better that the doctor could set up a date and induce me or set up a date for a c-section, especially because I wouldn’t know if J could make it because of his hockey season. J told me that this was not what I had been dreaming about and both him and I thought it sounded so weird that our baby boy would be too big for me to deliver, we both believe in our bodies and J never thought my body would make a baby that I couldn’t give birth to..

At this point, when I had no confidence I decided to meet with a doula so I found one in Buffalo, Rebecca who believed in the same thing as I do, that womens bodies are amazing and that we are troopers when it comes to give birth! I just felt that everything she said about giving birth was everything I ever wanted to hear, she recommended me to meet with a midwife, Maura and I went to her office right after I met with my doula that gave me my confidence and excitment about giving birth back. Right when I met with Maura and she told me that I OF COURSE could deliver my baby, that my body will do a perfect size baby for my body. I felt that this was the right girl to have by my side when I was going to give birth to our first baby. You need someone who believes in you and tells you that you can do it. That’s exactly what you need. After watching the documentary ”Bussiness of being born” (watch it!!) I was even more happy with my choice, now at the end of 20 weeks I felt that I had a dream team, my midwife Maura and my doula Rebecca and I was really excited about giving birth. I switched from the doctor that my insurance covered and signed up with a midwife instead even though I didn’t know if my insurance would cover it, that’s how much I really wanted to go with Maura instead of my OB-gyn.

The medical world is totally different in US than in Sweden. In US if you want any kind of drugs you go in to the hospital and you need IV right when you get in there and you can’t move around, drink or eat which you can totally do in Sweden. I felt right away that Im gonna need to move and eat during labor so I told my midwife and doula that I wanted them to do everything they could to make me not use any drugs. I was actually more scared of having an epidural and not be able to feel my legs than the actual pain, Im not scared of pain, I was more scared of what would happen to my body after giving brith. I met with my doula and my husband 2 times before labor and she showed us things we could do to spend as much time at home as we could before going in to the hospital, I never wanted a home birth I wanted to do it ”The swedish way” to have a midwife but at the hospital close to doctors if needed, because even though you plan your birth you never know what happens but I wanted to have a positive mind before going in there and I wanted to feel safe and I wanted to try to just trust my body.

So, here’s what happened. Frans due date was April 16 but both my doula and midwife thought he would come early!! I had Frans at 37+2, I think my body thought that this baby is getting a little too big so he needs to come out now, my husband was a 10 pound baby and Frans was 8 pounds but 19 days early.. So, my body handled it on it’s own.

Well, after a couple of false alarms, water broke on March 22nd (thursday) but Maura my midwife checked me and it wasn’t the water it was some kind of other layer of water that broke. So weird. We were so ready and I thought it was like in the movies, your water breaks, you go in straight away and then the baby comes. Wasn’t really like that for us… Those days after ”water broke” was tough mentally, it’s so hard to just wait. Ugh.

Sunday: Mucus plug came out and hade some contractions that took off, made it even harder to think about something else than labor!!!

Monday: Dull period pain, braxton hicks (which I had from 18 weeks pregnant) I had some low back pain so I thought it was sacroiliac joint pain. Had lunch with friends that were also pregnant, talked about how crazy it was that my mucus plug came out and we were wondering when he would come. Were planning on going to Canada this day but I told J that I had some small contractions and wanted to take a long nap, which I did, needed sleep so I listened to my body.

Here are me and my friends the day before my water broke!

Tuesday: Contractions all day that was with 10 minutes apart. It started in my low back and then to my stomach and lasted for 40 seconds. J was home, he got injured the week before and on this day J’s parents were gonna come from Sweden to help out when I was pregnant and when he was gone if I would have to go in to the hospital but since J was injured he was home but his parents came to visit anyways. This night J was going to get them at the airport at 11 pm I told him my contractions was to painful, I didn’t think I was in labor though….

This is my belly on tuesday night:

02.00 we heard a sound, we both woke up, was it the water?! I went out of bed and it was the WATER!! Ok babe, this is the real water, it’s time!!! We are having a baby soon!!!! It’s on!! Texted my doula, WOHO she said ”Congrats, your having a baby soon” YAY. Finally!! She told me it could take some time so she wanted me to get something to eat drink and try to sleep / rest as much as I could. I went up had coconut water and bananas and tried to go to bed again (which was PRETTY hard haha, adrenaline) My contractions started right away, they were pretty close and at this point I knew it was conctrations, totally other feeling than braxton hicks. I jumped in the shower and J helped me shower my back when I was in pain, he put the shower on my back every contraction. He helped me a lot by telling me ”every contraction gets you closer to our baby” and ”The pain is not dangerous, it’s good pain.. breathe in breathe out” It got more and more painful and my doula showed up to check on me. She came at 04.00 and told us we could keep doing what we were doing on our own for some more time. J did the hip squeeze see it HERE and it really helped, we tried to rest but it was too hard and I had really really bad contractions. At 6 my doula came back and told us to keep doing what we were doing, I was laying on a pilates ball and took contractions there, we were in bed forehead agains forehead and tried to breathe together, it was SO painful on my lower back and stomach but as soon as the contraction was over I was totally normal and the breaks was so needed. At 09.00 J called my doula and told her that I thought I was going to faint from the pain, I was also exhausted!! She told J to talk to me and when she heard I couldn’t talk anymore and especially  not english she said ”Oh yes, I can hear she’s in bad pain Im coming now” At this point I couldn’t talk through contractions, I called my mom and sister on facetime and I don’t remember everything we said but I do remember it. My mom said after ”I’ve never heard you cursed so much” hahaha.. My mom said how close are your contractions and I said around 3 minutes apart and she freaked out and told me to go in haha. Rebecca gave me a smoothie and told me I was so close to meet our baby, she also told me that every contraction he moves down just a little millimeter and that the pain just made me closer to him. I tried not to fight the contractions I just tried to breathe through them to help my body and him to move down lower to get in position.

10.00 I told Rebecca that I needed to go to the hospital and get all the drugs they have there haha. I knew I was going to scream for drugs! Now when I look back I feel that the only thing I was screaming for was HELP! Help me through this pain!! I was in the most pain of my life here and to manage to get to the car I had to breathe through contractions when we said bye to J’s parents and by the elevator and before we got in to the car, they were so close.

J did a hip squeeze right before we left the apartment when I had a contraction.

In the car between contractions I asked J to take a picture for my blog HAHA. Im serious between contractions is heaven!!!

10.15 we are at the hospital. I had to breathe through a contraction on a trashcan at the hospital by the elevator, didn’t care that people were starring at me haha. Went up to labor and delivery and shit got real!! The woman in the lobby asked me to fill out some papers and I told her I was dying and that I couldn’t, had to breathe through another contraction and had J fill it out. Went to our room #35 and there was my doula and my midwife, ok ladies, Im doing it!!! Got more excited than before, felt closer.

I took a little selfie between contractions haha. On my head I have a ice cold towel. Felt like heaven!

10.30 Im seriously in the worst pain of my life. Rebecca tells me im 7-8 cm open, I jumped in a bath and that was the most amazing this I’ve ever felt. Felt so good on my back and I could breathe through contractions a lot better in there. Hot water is like medicine, seriously! Here I remember my midwife and my doula told me the worst part was almost over and that I was close to meet our son, Frans. I remember I asked them  ”Is it more than 10 hour left?” and they started laughing and told me they thought he would be here before 3 pm, I was so happy and that gave me motivation! To open up from 7 to 10 cm is called transition and that’s the worst part, when you think you’ll die your the closest you’ll ever get and I knew that. I was int he bath for 3 HOURS but it felt shorter when I look back. J didn’t leave my side once when I was in there. I was in some kind of trance. These three hours are very blurry for me, I asked for drugs but they said it was no meaning. I just needed help to get through this! I took the contractions, J dabbed cold towels on my forehead, he was breathing with me IN and OUT loud and we had eye contact during every contraction, in between contractions I feel asleep, I was so tired and so exhausted. J was holding my hand, cried because I was in pain and told me motivated things to keep me going. I couldn’t be still when I had a contraction I had to move around in the tube, I was in such pain. J had to put down my shoulder on every contraction, when you tighten and start make weird faces it hurts even more so I tried with him by my side to breathe in, breathe out and relax, it really helped to try to relax my body than tighten it. Rebecca went in and out, gave my water with a straw and told me that women all over the world do this and that I was so close and that I could do it, she remembered me that the pain isn’t dangerous that its just my body that are preparing for Frans to come out. She also told me no contractions are the same so just take one at a time, focus on one and then remember that the one you had never will come back again.

All of a sudden I heard Rebecca my doula and Maura my midwife talk outside the bathroom, I hear them say ”I wonder why she’s not pushing yet? She’s 10 cm open and Frans is in position?” I was still in the tube and all of a sudden I screamed ”Jacob I need to push, NOW” It fels just like a vomiting reflex, I just couldn’t stop it my whole body wanted to push!! Just like when you need to puke, it just has to happen. Felt like I was going to poop a bowling ball, seriously.

My push contractions stopped I asked them If I could take a nap, they told me after that they have NEVER heard anyone ask for a nap when they’re 10 cm open and ready to push without drugs haha… Right when I was going to nap I felt that I had to push again.

They tried different positions and I just didn’t get how to push when I was on my back, I had to work with gravity. I tried on all fours, on the floor, on my back and here, 3 pm I was going to walk to the bathroom and ended up in a squat with J holding my arms because I had to push!! It was so strong. I don’t think the push contractions was as painful at all! I was happy I wasn’t in such pain. My midwife told me to sit on the toilet could be a good idea because your body usually get how to push there, haha.. Muslce memory. I sat down there and started to make such progress right away, time is 3.30 and I never thought I would have a baby, felt totally impossible to push a baby out from there. Maura and Rebecca told me I was so close and that every time I had a push contraction I had to push for my life and when I did I got SO much energy, I got the craziest adrenaline rush, J said my pupils were huge and I just felt IM DOING THIS! Im going to push him out now, Im SO close!!! Our son is here soon! Right here at the toilet I really understood how to push, I really felt that things were happening and I wasn’t scared at all just so pumped! Other nurses showed up in the room and I realized that baby was here so soon, they are preparing for him!! <3 I looked at the clock and it was 4.30 and I just felt HERE WE GO, HE’S COMING NOW! It was SUCH a relief to push, it was the best feeling on earth, all the pain finally made progress and now im going to push him out! I loved to be able to help out with my body, my abs, my legs, everything I pushed SO hard and J screamed ”the head is out!!” and I was so happy I went up from the toilet and pushed even harder on the next contraction and then there he was…. <3 J said I screamed ”I can do this” and ”It isn’t so bad, Ill do this again!!” I got him in my arms right away and this feeling is something I just can’t explain, the toughest thing I’ve ever done but as soon as I was holding him everything was forgotten. J was so proud of me and I couldn’t belive I did it and that he was here, forever with us.

I16.39 Frans David Josefson was born and that is the proudest moment of our life. I would do what ever to experience that feeling again, nothing compares to it. And the feeling after we were fighting so hard. Unbelivable <3 Here he was, our little son with a lot of hair and the cutest nose. A little mini version of J. This was the moment we became a family, I cry when I write it…

Thank you Maura and Rebecca and J for believing in me and for being by my side. You’re all the best and Im so happy I found you. J, you were the best support I could ever dream of, now I truly know what dream team means. Forever by each others side <3

So what did I think about giving birth?

I would say contractions really really hurt but you can do it, you can handle it!! The actual push I would say wasn’t as painful as I thought, which I get sounds really really crazy but I felt that it was the best part!! I could finally help out. I swear to god when I say that pushing didn’t hurt that much, It sounds extremely weird but that’s what I felt. I was so high on adrenaline and that relieves pain! Would I do it again? OH yes. It was the coolest thing I’ve ever done. Im jealous of all people that are going to do this and meet their baby for the first time, it’s something so beautiful. I still feel invincible! Now after I had him I can’t believe how I got him out, for me it’s like pushing out an apple from your nostril?! So crazy to get how you can actually get a baby out of there but it’s something you can do, on that day. Your body is so ready and so prepared for it! My doula told me she saw how my hips got wider during labor, how crazy is that? So, I gave labor without any drugs and Im serious, when it’s the worst thats when you’re the closest, it’s so true. I would totally say that the pain is so worth it, it’s when you actually have the baby the real hard work starts… It’s motherhood. The hardest but most beautiful thing in the world, nothing else can compares with it.

My biggest fear was to tear and to sew but I promise you, I didn’t feel that that I teared and I didn’t feel the pain from the shot or when she sew me. And, after coupe of weeks I was fine again. But to be honest, the day after I gave birth I never thought I would be able to walk again but our bodies are amazing and it healed so good. The recovery was great! So what I was most scared of wasn’t the worst part.

I want to say to all of you women out there, we are unbelievable! We can create life. I think like this, it’s not too crazy that you can feel that you bring a new life to earth, which you do when you give birth. I also thought of Frans, he worked so so hard with me during labor so he was also very tired after. Take your time after, I was bed resting for a week. Give your body a break and be proud of yourself <3 And remember, how ever you give birth you’re amazing, there are no rights or wrongs, this is my story and how I did it… <3